Food

Trying to eat right again after months of not. Last month especially was pure greed. People go to India and visit temples and embark on holy pilgrimages. Our pilgrimage consisted of visiting different restaurants in Chennai. And there are so many more restaurants this time than even 3 or 4 years ago! Clearly a lot of people love to eat... My inlaws live in West Mambalam where you can find something suited to your tastebuds in every price range. So we didn't even have to venture far away from home if we didn't want to. Of course that didn't stop us from visiting Mainland China in Nungambakkam or Saravana Bhavan in a couple of different locations. For the most part though we stayed in T.Nagar enjoying places such as Matsya, Gangotree and Sandeepa. And on the days we dined at home there was always evening tiffin from Venkateswara Boli stall or from Bakya fast foods. Did I also mention the scores of relatives who invited us over for lunch and/or evening tiffin and/or dinner?

So now you can understand why I am trying to eat right and maybe shed some of those pounds...
Of course temptation exists here as well. Just a couple of days ago, I saw John Gilchrist of CBC fame at the farmers market and bought a signed copy of his book - 'My favorite cheap eats'. It covers restaurants in Calgary and surrounding areas such as Banff and Canmore where you can get good food at reasonable prices. Some of the places mentioned there sound really really tempting....Hmmm....

Weekend

Went to the farmer's market for the past couple of days. There is so much happening there and so much to see - not only for me but for the baby as well (I'll call him Kuttipa from now on).

On Friday I met a friend there who is pregnant and halfway there. How time has flown. Last summer, I was in her shoes and this summer I am pushing a stroller around, looking out for a place to change a diaper and wondering if there is any place to nurse. It doesn't feel like that long ago that Kuttipa was born. Of course I had tons of advice for my friend. Go to Bradley classes instead of the Calgary Health Region prenatal classes. I couldn't attend the 12 week class last year because I found out about it only towards the end. But I did attend a 2 day crash course thing organized by the instructor here. I also attended the Calgary Health Region thing because I had already signed up for it. The Bradley classes really really really helped! There was no way I would have not had an epidural if I had not known so much about working with my body and aiding labour by relaxing and breathing.

This time last year or sometime thereabouts I was researching a lot of info on cosleeping, breastfeeding and cloth diapers. So how's all that going? Well, I still do cosleep though I am starting to wonder about moving Kuttipa to a crib mattress next to ours. I am still nursing Kuttipa. The cloth diapers though - I hate to admit I've been very lazy and am using disposables still.....

Can ramble on more today but Kuttipa needs to put down for a nap and we need to have breakfast. So, Tata!

ello

After months and months and months of silence, I am hoping I can do this blogging thing again. Its not like I was writing profound thoughtful stuff anyway. Rambling is easy...should be easy...

My baby is 8 months old and then some. I've been in India for the past few months and before that I was in a sleep deprived stupor where I barely functioned let alone blogged. Still somewhat sleepless but things are better...I think..

Enough said today. Will blog more tomorrow.

Snippet of conversation

From the Birth and Babies class, about a month ago..

Instructor: So, now that baby is here, how has your relationship with each other changed?
Some guy: I find our conversation has changed. Before we would talk about all kinds of things. Now all we discuss is the contents of the diaper - the color, the consistency and the frequency...

If it weren't so true, I wouldn't have found it so funny!

A month later

It hasn't felt like a month really...
On one hand it seems like time has just flown by. My baby is a more than a month old already and I know he has grown bigger, grown more alert, seems to know my voice and is growing by the the minute.
On the other hand, life does seem like I am stuck in a post-partum version of the movie 'Groundhog day' where I am endlessly feeding and changing diapers...

Some days when I am totally exhausted, I am cranky, weepy and frustrated.
Mostly though I am amazed at the cuteness of this little creature in my arms. I knew babies were cute - but really I had no idea that they were this cute!!! Even when they're crying or cranky!

Having him inside was easier than having him outside, but if there was an undo button, would I choose it and get back life as it used to be? Not a chance! Well, at least not just yet...
I've gone through labour; I've given birth, I've held a baby, I've been feeding him, I've been rocking him to sleep. All these have been amazing and Iam glad for having a chance to experience them. Oh its all so worth it!

After a week of parenting....

Heres what I can say:

No books, nothing anyone says, no amount of theoretical knowledge really prepares you for the actual experience.

Sleeplessness was just an empty word to me (despite all-nighters in college) till about a week ago. I now know how much I value any extra moment of sleep that comes my way...

And the babe was born

Saturday morning - 10:48am, we were blessed with our little cutie pie.

Just another post

Been a while since I posted anything mainly because there is so much going on here. The baby is not out yet but it could be any day now...any week now...

Meanwhile here is something I read today.

September maatham

5 weeks left before the official due date...Of course when the baby actually decides to arrive is anyone's guess.

Tis Labour day today - a reminder to me that winter is not far away. The weather is gorgeous outside and we hope to go out somewhere later today to catch some sun. Some of the trees are turning yellow already. How do they know!

Time hurries on.
And the leaves that are green turn to brown,
And they wither with the wind,
And they crumble in your hand
- Paul Simon

And here is the official obit

Came to know today that the NYT had published an obituary sometime back on my former boss...

Here it is!

Maternal desire

The universe is much too small to hold

Your longing for a lover and a child
Virginal, Nissim Ezekiel

I remember reading this poem when I was about 15 and being struck by the power of those words. I thought then that the poet was exaggerating to make a point. Years later though, the words seem more meaningful and true.

A lot has been said about sexual desire in a woman and among other things, the women's lib movement helped women recognize and give expression to this desire. A lot has been said about maternal desire too - mostly in corny sentimental movies (Amma sentiment) and such. Women themselves are not aware of the force of this desire till they have a child or at least till they decide they want one. It's no wonder then that the women's lib movement with its heavy emphasis on career and independence seems to view childbearing and childrearing as intrusions that must be dealt with as little inconvenience as possible (daycare, nannies, forcing husband to take care). But what about the very real desire that women have to care for their babies? This unexplained 'maternal desire' that somehow gets in the way?

I've been kind of thinking about this since I started reading a book called "Maternal Desire" (duh!) by Daphne de Marneffe. I've not gotten past the introduction though, mainly because there are too many other things I am trying to read at the same time.

Whats the point I am trying to make here? Quite a few different ones if I had the time or the mental energy to coherently present it all...The entire issue of career, choices and motherhood is always a charged topic especially to one already prone to angst and uncertainty like I am. But I'll leave that for another day.

Seen from the maternal desire perspective, my friend's comments on my birthday (See prev post) don't seem weird at all. Actually they never seemed weird since I've been there. Irritating perhaps, but perfectly normal. There was a time when it seemed that I may not have children and I do remember getting envious when I read stories of child abuse and such. "How come those CREEPS get to have multiple kids?"

Of course I went through this only for a few months. I imagine this gets worse and worse as time goes by till you can't look at any baby or any parent without feeling faintly resentful. And then there is the feeling of somehow being a sub-woman, not on par with the other 'fertile' women out there that comes up - regardless of whatever else you may have accomplished. But now that I am pregnant, do I think any lesser of the women who for one reason or another cannot be? Heck, no!! But the obsession and the worries and fears are such an integral part of the mindset of a woman who wants to conceive but cannot.

I read an excerpt from "Waiting for Daisy" by Peggy Orenstein a couple of months ago in the Oprah Magazine. The online version of the article can be found here. I was amazed at her candor and horrified at the hell she went through to get pregnant - a self-imposed hell that seemed inevitable and necessary from her point of view. Its a happy ending - she did get pregnant - but she did go through hell. Was it all worth it?

Towards the end of the article she says:

Sometimes, sitting at a miniature table, covered in Play-Doh and reading 'Where's Spot?' for the 30-zillionth time, I don't recognize myself -- and that's not a bad thing: Identity, I've learned, can be sliced many ways, and there is gain with every loss. Even so. Becoming a parent can't give me back the time -- the entire second half of my 30s -- that was obliterated by obsession. It doesn't compensate for the inattention to my career, for my self-inflicted torment, for the stress I put on my marriage. Steven and I may never reclaim the ease of our pre-infertility days. All we can do is move forward -- tenderly, kindly, with mutual forgiveness. And with the knowledge that our love for each other has never, ever flagged.

Thirty plus

So I had a good birthday. Like I said, I don't really feel older or different from this time last week.
But based on conversations with friends who've done this already, I think this age-worry is predominantly female.

"Happy Birthday. Welcome to the dark side! It's all downhill from here!"
"Happy Birthday! 30? Doesn't feel like it does it? I went through it 6 months ago. Where did all the time go?"
"Happy Birthday, you old thing. Now you're finally in the same boat as I am!"

Gee, thanks girls! Of course all of these are meant in jest, but its hard to miss the underlying wistfulness - Why DO we grow older?

And of course there was the comment that irritated the heck out of me.
"Happy birthday! The big three Oh! Well, at least you're pregnant even though you're 30. Look at me, I am 34 already and still not pregnant!"
Now, that wasn't a birthday wish, was it? I've got so much to write about this, I'll save it for a separate post.

My last post in my twenties

Tomorrow I'll be 30! Yeah, somehow I did think that the twenties would last forever. Not only did they not, but they've actually gone by pretty darn quick.

In this past decade, I've finished college, come to the US, finished grad school, gotten married, moved to Canada, bought a house and become pregnant.

What was I doing when I turned 20? 10 years ago, I was in Ahmedabad, doing my 4th year internship and having a lot of fun seeing the sights and living the life. I don't remember my birthday being particularly angsty (Gosh, I am turning 20!) or particularly remarkable. I do remember going to work that day as usual, getting a bouquet from my co-workers there - I still have some of the petals stuck in my diary in remembrance. That may well be the very first bouquet I got! I might have gone out for dinner with my friend Zahra, but I don't remember if I did. And add to this the usual number of cards and phone calls from family and friends - It wasn't a bad birthday!

In fact all my birthdays have been reasonably good, although my 26th was particularly memorable for the multiple parties I got from friends and also the fact that being 26 was probably one of the best years of my life! It was my last year being single and the world remained open in terms of possibilities (I love being married, but that feeling of romance and suspense in the air is wonderful too!) I'd finally finished up the Master's thesis I'd been struggling with for 2 years and had all kinds of freedom to go around, see places and do things. I was living the free, unfettered existence I'd dreamed of since childhood and boy, was it heady!

Still feels like yesterday, but apparently a few more years have gone by and here I am suddenly a woman in my thirties! Yes, I know I'll really feel no different tomorrow from what I am today, and yet on paper it sounds somehow like a really big deal!

So I'll sign out now and go enjoy my last few hours of being 29.

some links

My husband sent me this link this morning from CNN.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/08/09/ep.breastfeeding/index.html

The stats are startling - According to new numbers from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 74 percent of mothers try breast-feeding, but after three months only 30 percent still exclusively nurse their babies. After six months, the number dwindled to 11

The comments are interesting too!

Later this afternoon, I came across this site when googling.
http://www.punkinbutt.com/diaper_dilemma_the_environment.asp

Don't know how true the stats are, but it seems kind of reassuring. But as with googling anything, you can always find some other site with different data and conclusions. As for example this:
http://www.ilea.org/lcas/franklin1992.html

But if washing and flushing is what we do when we become toilet trained and if its really the same amount of water that we'd use to wash the cloth diapers as we would to flush the toilet 5 times a day - cloth diapering doesn't seem like a bad option at all...cheaper too.

Money money money

Tons of pregnant women in Calgary - not surprising considering 10,000 babies were born here last year! Still, its quite a sight to see an auditorium full of pregnant women or for that matter only pregnant women lining up in a queue outside the restrooms. That's exactly what I saw and was part of yesterday, when I attended the course 'Budgeting for babies'.

The course itself was okay. The presenters touched on various aspects on how the new arrival would impact our finances, ranging from living on a reduced income, to setting up RESPs to save for the child's college education. Also discussed were birth certificates, wills, life and other forms of insurance and child tax benefits (if applicable). For a free course, it did a fairly good job of at least introducing the several topics new parents will need to consider.

Under the section of cutting expenses and coupon clipping were of course the 3 standard recommendations:
1.) Breast feed
2.) Cloth diaper
3.) Make your own baby food

Apparently these measures can save you about $2000 - $3000 over the course of a couple of years! Impressive, but easy to implement?

1.) I see too many people around me - people I know personally, people on TV programs, people I know distantly from online bulletin boards - all having tried and failed to breastfeed successfully. On one hand there is Jack Newman who insists in his book that its fairly simple and straightforward. On the other hand are all these people, some of whom have gone through considerable pain and difficulty before moving on to formula feeding. Would some of these cases been resolved with some professional assistance? Some maybe but not all. My friend consulted 2 different lactation consultants and 2 different breast surgeons and went through a lot of pain before throwing in the towel. My point is that while breastfeeding should be encouraged and supported, its not really a question of choice for many people. Certainly I will 'choose' to breastfeed. But I also hope luck is on my side to help.

2.) Cloth diapering: Don't know enough about this to comment yet. Intend to find out more over the next couple of weeks. Good for the environment and the wallet for sure, but how troublesome is it to keep doing additional loads of laundry every other day? And if you factor in the the water and the detergent and the electricity for the laundry, is there really any savings in money or in terms of environmental impact?

3.) Baby food: easily 6 months away. Sure, I'll make my own baby food.... Or something, when I get to it. Again, I've got to wonder though, how much is the cost savings really? Baby food does not seem very expensive - 65c for a bottle of Presidents Choice Organic baby food, that will probably last for a couple of feedings. Is it really worth the time and effort to make your own food at home? One benefit that I can see is that baby will get used to things that we eat at home (rasam and sambar saadam) - but that's not a cost benefit really.

Forgetting

I originally had some clever title for this post and the content all thought out. I'll be darned if I can remember what it was. Pregnancy brain has certainly struck and how! Its fairly commonplace these days for me to leave something cooking on the stove and forget all about it and start doing something else, till my husband asks about the burning smell. Other forgetful things I've done recently: misplacing things, keeping the oil can in the fridge and the milk can inside a kitchen cabinet instead of vice versa, forgetting to keep leftover food back in the fridge and consequently wasting it the next day etc. Luckily, nothing major has happened as a consequence so far..

Been browsing usedcalgary.com, buysell.com and craigslist till I am almost sick at the mention of cribs, changing tables and baby monitors - these being the major items still unpurchased. The crib is not an immediate need though and I've been doing a lot of back and forth reasoning on why we need or don't need a crib. A pregnancy brain doesn't help with the logical reasoning part and I find I can actually argue and convince myself about completely differing things...

In any case, since I am planning to co-sleep I won't really need a crib much except for naps. So maybe my money is better spent on something else. Like a playard? I almost bought one yesterday. Today I am convinced that the thing to buy is this:
http://www.toysrus.ca/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?storeId=10051&catalogId=10052&langId=-1&productId=17483&N=24+&nvalue=24
Who knows what tomorrow brings!

I did buy a ton of clothes - a lot of boy specific clothes in blues and browns. Then I read about someone who was told that she'd have a boy but ended up with a girl instead. Neutral colors, here I come...

Oh, I saw the Harry Potter movie recently and I quite liked it - better than the other ones anyway. Although its not quite something I'd want to see again and again - unlike LOTR or something. Its funny how the two keep getting compared, while they're not in the same league at all - not even close! Anyway, I read the 'Deathly Hallows' book too and again quite enjoyed it, although the ending was not as well written as the rest of the book. A series finale deserves much better, doesn't it?

A lull

After all this blogging I've done for the past month or so, I've come up against some kind of block. Don't know what to write about.

I guess I could give an update of sorts about different things..

1.) Microwave: Yes, we went to the Brick and picked up a brand new one for the store credit we had. So we're microwaving our coffee and the frozen veggies and anything else microwavable again...Whether its advisable to do so is a different topic - one I've not bothered to research really..

2.) Neighbors: All solved and all is at peace again.

3.) Baby: Still in there, kicking away. Hoping he stays there full term and comes out a happy healthy baby! Yes, I went for one of those 3D ultrasound places and shelled out the money in exchange for the pleasure of seeing him move around and knowing that its a 'him'. Was it worth all the money we shelled out for it? I don't know....Was it safe? I really really hope so. I hate to think that my selfish desire and impatience to 'see' the baby could have harmed the baby..

4.) Baby stuff: More stuff acquired. A car seat first hand since you're not supposed to take a chance with car seats (never mind they might not be all they're cracked up to be). Clothes, a diaper disposal can and an infant bath tub - second hand. Oh, and also a Baby Bjorn second hand. I like buying things second hand because its waay much cheaper for things that are in still in good condition. There is also the feel good aspect of 'better for the environment' and all that. Although in the case of my diaper disposal system, I've got to wonder...Since it uses exclusive plastic bags, its really not cheap. For the same reason and also because of the whole 'disposable diaper' thing, its not really environmentally friendly either. But I am intending to switch to cloth diapering once the baby is 3 or 4 months old and I am sort of more familiar with diapering in general and my baby in particular. Hopefully my intentions will actually translate into action!

5.) Relatives: We had a great time at Banff. Now they've gone back and I am back to trying to fix simple dinners that are nowhere close to being as appetizing as the food they made.

Tolerance

A friend of mine sends out a monthly newsletter that contains links to stories pertaining to what he calls pseudo-secularism. If you're interested in such reading, you can visit his site (http://www.sabha.info/archive.html) and subscribe to it too.

I don't always agree with what he says but his links are interesting and his sarcasm makes the newsletter entertaining. Here is a story that stood out from his recent newsletter.

Americans disrupt Hindu prayer

Interesting article

http://www.shobanarayan.com/articles/web/articles_beliefnet_fashion.htm

Will I be a 'Hindu Mom' too? I don't know! In the past decade I've gone from being a complete believer to an agnostic to an atheist to back to being a quasi-believer. Quasi-believer because I like the comfort and the familiarity of going to the temple and going through the motions of praying. Also because the question of whether God exists or not does not seem as important or relevant to me as it did 10 years ago...the psychological comfort that comes from believing that there is indeed a higher power and a greater purpose and that everything is not random is immense and I am not strong enough to deny myself that feeling of comfort.

But I do wonder what I will teach my child about religion or traditions or customs...I don't see myself bombarding the poor kid with Sanskrit lessons and Veda classes like the lady in the article. On the other hand, I do feel that our religious literature, philosophy and mythology is so rich and that my child should have some appreciation of it all...But philosophy and mythology is different from actual religion and rituals. I know of many people who are well versed in poojas and rituals but hard pressed to explain what it all actually means. So does my child really need to be a believer to have an appreciation of Hinduism?

I think if I can bring up my child to question things and learn for him/herself and reach his/her own conclusions instead of blindly following whatever I/someone else says, I would have done a good job! Easily said!

So is milk good for you?

Maybe it is, since apparently it fends off diabetes and heart disease and such.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/6898103.stm

But wait, don't head to the grocery store yet. Would you rather have Diabetes or Parkinson's?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/4419477.stm

And if you're a woman, how about some ovarian cancer?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/4051331.stm

Romba conpeeshinga keedu!